My new hobby

Freaking out about graduate school. See, I want to be a professor more than anything else; I never want to leave the academic life. And I want to do my Ph.D. in English. The problem here is that 90% of all universities hire from the top 20 programs in any given field, meaning that to get a job anywhere other than TCC, you need to go to a top-level school. Further problem: the best english programs are at schools where the program has been established for a long period of time, built up a vast library, published tons of influential articles. So my short list is now looking like Stanford, Berkeley, Harvard, Princeton, and UVA as my safety. Faaan-tastic.

UVA's website says they demand at the very least a B average. No sweat, I got that. Hold on, what does Stanford want?

"M.A. students must prove reading knowledge of one foreign language, while Ph.D. candidates must prove reading knowledge of two foreign languages. Ideally, applicants will have language proficiency before admission, as it is not practical to acquire two languages from scratch given the rigors of the Ph.D. program"

Oh...ok.

"We do not publish an "average" GRE score, since the number of students (10) in any given year is so small as to make an "average" meaningless."

Wait...the number of what?

"We are able to matriculate about 10 students with funding from an applicant pool of 350+."
10 students with funding from an applicant pool of 350+
10 students from an applicant pool of 350 +
10 students
10.

Oh dear Christ.
Commence ulcer formation.